Lion King Update

I may have inadvertently bought VIP tickets to The Lion King so whoopsies. Actually, I totally did. That is exactly what I did. Without knowing it.

I do have a thing about getting decent seats whenever we go somewhere. I bought the tickets because I knew they were close to the stage. I didn't realize our seats were so good that we also got a VIP packet with extra special bonus tickets for special parking and for merch.

I like using the word "merch" and I know it doesn't work at all but let's pretend it does. And that it doesn't make me completely ridiculous, too.

To prove how non-artistic I am, just look at what we watched today. Instead of going out, which would have caused us to do things like shower and put on real people clothes, we watched 2 of our Netflix movies. The first was Immortals. Remember when 300 came out and we were all like, wow, that's different? And we meant that as a good thing? Now they've made that same movie visually about 6 times a year since and I would like them to please stop. Immortals ended with one of those "we want to make a sequel!" endings that made me want to re-evaluate all entertainment.

It didn't help that instead of thinking about how the next superman is super buff and has very little clothing covering him for the entire movie, I was thinking about how I wish I knew his hair removal secret and how his boobs were way bigger than his love interest's. Also, how there were a lot of vampires in the movie (the brother from Twilight! the bad guy from The Vampire Diaries!).

Making me want to watch other shows during a movie is a bad thing. Boo, Immortals. Boo.

Then, we followed up that winner with Killer Elite. Clive Owen's pedophile mustache would have ruined that movie if that movie had had any redeemable qualities to begin with. I get that it was set in the 80s, but the guy from Prison Break, which I have never watched, looked so ridiculous it was difficult to pay any serious attention at all. I usually also enjoy a movie based on true events. Just, eh. Eh. Eh. Eh.

I'm pretty sure minute-wise, Killer Elite was shorter than Immortals, but it felt like it was five times longer. And I felt like a lot of that was us watching stock footage of transportation. Oh, an airplane is taking off! We're landing in France because I see a plane and the Eiffel Tower! There's a freeway! We must be driving somewhere now! Oooooo, another airplane! More footage of trucks driving down a road! We're in an urban setting! We're in the desert! Even when we could actually see the characters using said transportation, it was lackluster. Maybe the star of this movie shouldn't have been Jason Statham, who I usually like and forgive for just about anything. All I kept thinking was someone please give The Transporter a girl or a kid or a dog or something to transport because this sh*t is way better when he's doing that.

I will clean my proverbial palate with the thought of going back to The Fox Theater. I remember being really moved when The Lion King was first up at the Tonys all those years ago. I hope I'm just as invested in real life and that I haven't outgrown whatever it was that made me drawn to it in the first place. Well, always something of an adventure either way, right?

Also, my husband informed me that he's never seen the movie. Never. I'm not sure A) how this is possible and B) why I was shocked.

I told him he's going to hear a lot of songs that he's heard before and that he should think every time this happens, "Oh, so that song is from The Lion King movie."

Maybe it will be better that he has no background at all. Maybe he'll be moved!

No?

Okay, probably not.

I'll pin my hopes on him not hating it and take my chances. After today, how bad can it really be? And if it's terrible? From today alone, at least we're working on a pretty close familiarity of sitting through awful and not really caring about it one way or another.