Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The 12 Days of HOLY SH*TMAS: Post #7

If you missed the butterfly book post, please go here before reading this one.

The next present my husband opened from my aunt was, well, a little strange. It was in a ziplock bag. When I think of items that need to be in a ziplock bag, which are then wrapped in Christmas paper and given as a gift, of course the first thing I think of is...

Art!


Unframed, unmatted art.

Of a flower.

It's a watercolor/drawing/oil pastel/something of a rose. It's pink. My husband's favorite color.

...

Sorry, it took me a moment to pick myself back up off of the floor. Where I had been rolling around in laughter.

It's related to Kentucky. You know, the place my husband has been once, for the funeral. Which is where my aunt met my husband. Maybe it is for that memory? That would not be weird. If there had not been a funeral, I guess.

*Crickets chirping*

Moving on...

My aunt lives in Kentucky. So, that therefore could make sense. Sure. Like how we'd give something with the St. Louis Arch to someone not from St. Louis... Oh wait, we don't really do that. And when I think of Kentucky, this is not what immediately comes to mind.

My mom said, "I think it has something to do with the artist. My sister likes the artist or something."

Then my mother went back to collecting bows from opened packages to give to me to reuse, as if what she had just said explained everything.

I decided to be proactive. Because I had to find some meaning in this gift. I attempted to look the artist up online. Both her signature on the piece of art and my aunt's "helpful" labeling tab (I guess the big blacked out part was the price?) were difficult to read. I think it says Mary Benge. No results. I tried about 10 alternate spellings and then went back to Benge.

I added the word flower to her name and my search brought me to cemeteries with women of this name and how to send flowers to their resting places.

Who the heck is this lady?

Maybe it's not a lady... Is it perhaps an elephant that paints with its trunk? Because THIS IS AN EXCELLENT PIECE OF ART THEN. LOOK AT THAT DETAIL! WOW, ELEPHANT, YOU DESERVE SOME ACCOLADES! PEANUTS ALL AROUND! HOLY SH*T THIS IS AN AWESOME GIFT!

Crap. The Internet, land of everything, has nothing on an elephant by this name painting Kentucky roses.

Alas, I am pretty sure a person created this.

There are just so many unanswered questions. Why flower art? Why put it in a ziplock bag? Why did my aunt not frame it? Even a frame at the dollar store? No? Why was the dollar store out of frames, which would have at least made this a tad more gift-like?

Maybe she has us confused with a couple that has a wall full of framed flower prints. Does she think a lot of people use floral decor? Is this like a generic gift to her? We like flowers. Who doesn't? One plus one equals the perfect gift for my husband?

Is the art related to the Butterfly Book? Because after I realized my eyes weren't playing tricks on me and my husband had indeed received this picture of a rose as a gift, I did this:


Maybe we're supposed to store it in the fake Butterfly Book!

It fits so perfectly!

I am a genius!

The rest of my family kind of sighed at me but I think I was onto something there. The grater and basting brush were decoys. Obviously.

I don't even think my husband said 2 words. Perhaps because I was losing my mind. I seriously did not get anything like this from my aunt. I got some pink socks and some Bulgarian rose perfume.

Okay, so I now realize it could have been worse and my husband could have received the pink socks and a rose-scented fragrance.

The moral of the story is my husband now owns a butterfly book with a secret compartment that houses a pastel drawing of a rose. It's in the office. Of course. The one man room in the house. Next to computer programming language textbooks and some Futurama action figures. Goes so well! The presence of these presents (ha! presence of presents!) makes me a level of giddy that I did not know was possible without medical intervention.

But, we're not done yet. Post #8 will complete the trifecta of awesome that my aunt gave to my husband for Christmas.

Oh, Christmas, how you made me say "HOLY SH*T" more than any other time of the year!

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