The hubby is not a big gift guy. I think this is because it wasn't something he ever really had growing up. Therefore, I feel the need to SUPER rectify that. I could buy him a pair of socks and I would put them in a large box, wrap the box in some kind of beautiful shininess, lace a sparkly ribbon in a matching color around it, and fluff out a sizable bow. If it's Christmas, I then add a little grouping of different sized ornaments by the bow, as a accessory to the bow. My present accessories have accessories. Yeah. I'm that girl.
It doesn't help that I also overdo the amount of gifts. Every year, my family and I say, "We'll tone it down this holiday" and then we proceed to ignore that plan.
This year, I actually did cut way back for our Christmas at home. *High fives self* Decorated 3 rooms instead of the entire house. Just got the hubby a couple little surprises instead of a sea of gifts under the tree. I also didn't go too far off the beaten path and got him things I knew he'd really like. Sometimes, I tend to think something is a brilliant gift and it is... To me in my mind. Not in the recipient's. So the hubby got a Cardinals tee shirt, a Cardinals garden stone (I got him a kitty garden stone last year to be funny and adorable, and now I think it's possibly a thing), stuff like that. Got the cats some toys, the dog a festively decked out stuffed turtle.
For Christmas at my folks, however, I let the Christmas fly with no mercy. Has a bird on it? A duck? Lighthouse? All right up my mom and dad's alley. BAM! File folders with birds on them, bird feeder in the shape of a lighthouse, duck-shaped soap dispenser, lighthouse quilt, book about birds, glasses with ducks painted on them, plant hooks with little birds carvings...
My little brother (okay, so he's 26 now and is 6'7", but he'll always be my "little" brother) has had a rough 18 months, so even more than usual, I wanted to bring the cheer. BRING IT. IT IS BROUGHT. I couldn't stop myself. BOOM! Anime. Japanese food ordered online. How many different types of noodle meals and bags of snacks and little wrapped candies with zero English on them can you pack in a 8x8x10 box? A lot. Now times that by 4 boxes. Weird Al tee shirts and bacon flavored popcorn. Dr. Horrible on Blu-Ray. Space Invaders doormat that lights up when you walk on it. Please. These gifts practically buy themselves.
I didn't just magically turn out this way. Christmas has always been big in my small family. It's not like we go expensive necessarily, but we always had a pile of presents. And as adults, sure, I would love to spend less during Christmas, but we didn't do too bad this year. Of course, the pile of presents already at my folks' house rivaled what I brought through the door.
Since we've been married, from time to time, the hubby and I open something from my parents and then share a look. It says, "Okay, so, thanks for giving this to us for us to take to the Goodwill." 9 million delicate, easily tangled beaded strands for general decorating (aka in non-Christmas colors)... Are they trying to kill all our cats? And my sanity?
Most of the time, though, my folks give us stuff we'd never have thought of or picked out, and we end up loving those gifts.
This year was full of some really good Christmas presents. There were some that I have to say blew my mind all over the place.
So now it is time for the 12 days of HOLY SH*TMAS. 12 blog posts, each one highlighting something we received for the holidays. Some hilarious, some wrong, and some just plain wonderful.
Okay, so I don't know if I can get all the way to 12 posts, but I like the whole 12 days of Christmas feel, so go with me.
Countdown begins *throws Nascar flag down* NOW.
#12
I told my folks that the hubby needed work shirts. He wears collared, 2 or 3 button at the neck polo shirts, usually with short sleeves.
Like so.
They got him several nice, solid colored, normal polos, each in a quickly recognizable wrapped shirt box. A black one here, a red one there. I barely even looked once he got past the second shirt. We all knew by the shape of the box what the theme was for his gifts. Of course, then he opened this one:
Singing *Oh say can you seeeeeeee"
No, really, can you see? I'm asking you a question!
MY EYES! MY EYES! THEY BURN!
Now, my husband is a dark blue, a regular grey, a plain white-type polo shirt wearer. No pink, no purple, no stripe too elaborate. I don't know what middle ground we missed, but there has to be something between a solid brown polo and this wearable work of art.
My father immediately stuck up for the shirt, possibly because I started laughing. I was laughing because 1) well look at it! and 2) my husband didn't know what to do. He just sort of looked at it for a second, holding it in his hands, taking more and more of it from the box as if it might be a mirage.
"It has F-18s on it!" My father was very proud. He repeated "F-18" several times.
My husband worked on the F-18. A shirt with F-18s? Wonderful! The planes! Manly! Related to personal information! Showin' care and love for the son-in-law!
It took me a little time, and in the photo, I made him hold up the sleeves so they were easier to see... Yes, yes, there are F-18s on there. Of course, really, is that what you saw when you looked at this picture? It's like a Where's Waldo of planes set in a patriotic schizophrenic's nightmare.
My husband, ever tactful, regrouped almost immediately and said, "This will be great to wear in July!" For Independence Day. Completely sincere.
I cannot argue. If ever there was a 4th of July shirt, I thought to myself, THIS IS IT. Also, I was trying not to choke on my own stifled laughs. Serious face. Come on! Serious face. I can do this!
Of course, before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Baby, this is an everyday shirt if I've ever seen one!" Because I'm going to hell.
That is when I realized this shirt looked vaguely familiar.
Above my head, an imaginary old lightbulb attempted to crackle and fizz to life.
Then, it emitted a low, warm light.
Zzzzzzt! Full, blinding light! Holy, holy, holy...
I'm 99% sure my dad has this exact shirt in his closet. Oh, you have no idea how badly I wanted to bring that up and then for them to wear them on the same day at some point during our trip. Somehow, I knew to keep that one close to heart there. Besides, now I can secretly have that shirt at the ready whenever we visit with my dad, so that I can MAKE the matching happen without FORCING it. It's a thin line. One that keeps me out of the fiery depths of Satan's playground? Yes?
Hell or not, how handy is this shirt? So many uses!
Need a spare flag? Can't tell you how many times I've been somewhere and we've needed a flag. Windy day and federal buildings lose a flag here and there. Happens all the time. Big flag on a big shirt, perfect for your impromtu flag needs.
How about when you're at sporting events blasting the national anthem? Taking your hat off at the baseball game? Lazy. Real Americans go the extra mile, remove the hat, and then HOLD UP THEIR SHIRT FLAG! Don't even think about Nascar. You'll have a seizure of awesome and your drool will be red, white, and blue.
Or, kill 2 birds with one stone (non-eagles of course). Escape with greater speed from the guy waiting outside the grocery store with a petition for you to sign while you have a cart full of thawing frozen items and milk AND make your honking count as double when you pass strikers on lawn chairs holding their hard to read signs outside businesses. Done and done. This shirt is making the world a better place and the hubby hasn't even taken the tags off yet.
Sometimes, you don't have that extra little umph that you wish you had. Solution? You just need to see an eagle. Get you some self-confidence. Dream the impossible dream. It's majestic, and predatory, and it soars through the skies! Just like you! You and the eagle are one!
Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyy on the wingsssssss of an eagle!
And cue the Rocky theme.
Or anything by CCR.
More? Hell yes, more. We haven't even touched on the knowledge this shirt is sharing. Happy Wife is terrible at history. The husband can verify this because I spent half of every episode of the Tudors asking if whoever was on screen had been a real person and if each event protrayed had actually happened. Granted, that is English history, or something like that, and I'm unfortunately just as mentally on top of our own past here in America.
The husband, well, he is all in love with history and if it was legal, I think he loves it so much he'd marry it. His ability to retain important facts, historical and otherwise, makes me love him and also sometimes want to strangle him.
In other words, the husband can have an entire conversation about the Constitution. I'm sure he's actually done this with people. I definitely have not. This shirt makes that wife/husband conversation a possible reality, a conversation that I cannot get out of, whereby he can prove his facts to me by pointing at his shirt.
Bonus: I will always have something to read now when we're in waiting rooms, and if I'm forced to walk behind him somewhere, I can make the most of my time by studying up since all the goodness that is across the back of this shirt?
Yeah, it's all repeated again on the back, too!
That sound? You heard that?
Oh, sorry. That was just me loading my gun.
Oh, sorry. That was just me loading my gun.
I'm running out of options. It's this or sudden-onset narcolepsy. It's bound to be more painful if we're in Sam's Club or the movie theater and I keep passing out from boredom. I do not want to be in the grocery store and hear over the intercom, "Someone check on those loud thunking noises around aisle 3!" and then hear a crowd gather as I repeatedly hit the tile floor face first.
It's more humane to put myself out of my misery. A future, full of conversations about the U.S. Constitution, which will inevitably lead to another of my hubby's favorite topics: American Presidents. Ooooooooh, then maybe past wars and important battles! What about American history in relation to world history! OMG!
*Gun clicks*
"What? I can't have this here, Officer? I'm sure the other customers here at Kohls understand that I have a 30% off coupon this week and that I have forced my husband to come and try on shoes. Officer? Hey! Let me go! Honey! Get over here! Officer, I can tell you my rights! They're listed right here, and here, and here! In your face!"
This is a don't arrest me shirt, for sure.
In conclusion, this shirt gives me the warm and fuzzies. Look for it being worn by my husband on future dates. Sometimes a star just has to shine, Honey. Let that star shine. For America!
My family and I enjoyed the pictures :-)
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