Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Peplum and The Police

My husband and I went out together yesterday morning. To the doctor. So that is how things are going here on the dating scene. Good times.

I shouldn't even complain. He had to get labs done and I didn't. It was more of physical/wellness type of appointment for our insurance. We still go in together, so that's sort of cute, right?

And, we did get coffee and donuts afterwards. So, romantic-y? He was all, "Pick whichever donut you want" and I was all, "Wooo-whoooo!" Nothing says love like when a man is all, "Take your pick, My Dear!"

Sprinkles! Sprinkles!

Says the child next ahead of us in line. Not me. Of course. Ahem.

Anyway, we missed our last 2 planned (ticket-required) dates because of his and/or my exhaustion. Then, I got to go to northern Indiana for almost 2 weeks for my mom's surgery. So we've been all sorts of directions lately.

My day today was odd but fun. I went to Kohls and came outside to find my car surrounded by 4 police cars. A row. A row of police cars and just emptiness otherwise.

Policeman were standing and pacing in the area by my car in the parking lot. I asked one, "Should I be concerned? This one's mine," while pointing to my car.

I managed to keep my, "Did my husband send you? How did he know I was here? Isn't stalking illegal? Did I say husband? I meant stalker. Also, he never puts the recycling into the actual recycling. He just leaves all his Pepsi cans and little empty juice bottles EVERYWHERE. I was with my mom for the past 2 weeks because she had surgery, and he had at least 5 empty toilet paper rolls just sitting on the bathroom counter when I got home! That has to be as illegal as my being at Kohls. Officer? Officer, where are you going? I got a dress for 4 bucks! FOUR BUCKS, OFFICER! The price points in there were criminal! "

 
Add a little grey sweater, tights, and boots
to this knee-length dress?
Summer to fall perfection!

Also, add a catchy theme song containing the words "marriage police" and a lot of jazz hands.

All right, so I kept the 'marriage' police out of the police conversation because it's sort of unnerving to have a lot of police around for no observable reason. You want to be all polite and good citizen-y in case a good dose of klutzy and Tourette's hit you right about then. Both things I would not be entirely surprised by if they suddenly hit me.

The policeman answered me with, "Yep, you're fine. But I think you ought to buy a lottery ticket on your way home."

It took me until I unlocked the car before I saw that the one non-police car parked anywhere near me had had its front half accordion-ed. That was weird since the front of the car was facing what the front of my car was facing, which was a 6 foot wide patch of dirt. Dirt that was well landscaped and home to various large trees and shrubs. On the other side of it was where more cars could pull in and park.

I had thought the car next to me was just a car. One car. But, no. Nooooo. The car attempting to park directly in front of it beyond the dirt and trees, well, it must have been going at quite a clip because that sucker had flown up and over the curb, mowed down the trees and shrubs, and didn't stop until it was in the driver's seat of the car next to me.

And there I was, coming out of Kohls, all upset about the whole peplum thing. Peplum, in case anyone is unaware, is this big trend right now.

Essentially, you put like a full skirt on all your tops from right under your boobs to right at your hips, or if you're already in a dress or skirt, you make a whole other freaking skirt to sit up high and flare out at that area on you as well, like a bonus. A bonus that could make supermodels look pregnant.

Why? Why anyone would want to put four more yards of fabric around the middle of a woman? It's insanity. The police should have been there for that sh*t.

WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYY?

I don't know. I think the people behind it might have death wish. I get that Keira Knightley wants to feel like she has a womanly body or something sometimes, BUT NO. NO. NO. NO.

Oh hell no.

I'm going to find the person in charge of making peplum a trend this year and I'm going to punch him or her in the face. Or middle. Maybe in their peplum. Justice. Sweet, sweet justice.

For the record, I usually am also angry about the layering of ruffles all over everything the past couple years. Why add all this bulk when that is sort of the opposite of what one wants to accomplish? Because who doesn't want 8 layers of ruffles on a top? My favorite is when there are so many horizontal ruffles that one or two go right across the twins. Why not make the two good things I have going on look weird and misshapen?

Yet, I found this dress on clearance today and loved it!
 
 
The ruffles were longer and fewer in number,
so I think that is what made it fun and flowy.
And pretty figure flattering considering.
Plus, it's jersey. The superman of fabrics.
 
Is it weird that my requirement is can I wear it around the house? Is it comfy? Add some tights or leggings and call it appropriate daywear? At this time last year, I don't think I ever wore anything but pajamas or sweats if I wasn't leaving the house. You really do feel better if you're actually dressed. Who knew? Oh, that's right. The world. The world knew. Oh well.

This was an excellent shopping trip. And the doctor did say we should exercise more. Actually, she said, just try to walk for 15 minutes a day. So this totally had to count. Add all the trying on and that was like cardio or something. Heh. Okay, maybe not.

Perfect new top and dress with matching necklaces.
That dress and top were each $10.
The necklace on the right was $2.
The other was from Old Navy a while ago, I think.
So, breaking the bank... OF CUTE.

 
Then, there's this. I warned the husband
before he got home to not say anything bad about
the new awesome on my finger.
 
 
It's like I'm both a teenager and an eighty-year-old at the same time.
Why do I love it so much? Do I need therapy?
 
This photo makes it look like its on fire!
My ring, my ring, my ring is on fire!
(Like the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!)
((And cue the aging and shame that comes
with remembering the Bloodhound Gang.))
 
I wish I did this on purpose
but that is way above my photoship level.
 
 
Priceless. Or, $5, if you must know.
(Mary Lou head butted my hand the whole time.
She meowed, "For rubs and fashion!" or something.)

Also, there was a point today where I had to say to myself, "Wait, you don't need a fedora." So it was that kind of day.

Now I'm going to make supper since I just heard the husband get home. He gets to give the little kids candy while I attempt to keep all the pets in line. Happy Halloween! Free black special-needs cats for children acting out at the Happy Wife House!

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